The answer is no. What was the question? It doesn’t matter. What was the reason? It doesn’t matter. All she hears is no. And that no translates into so many things. No means you’re not good enough. No means you wasted your time. No means no one likes you. No means you’ll never succeed. No means you’re alone. No means you’re pathetic. No means you’re worthless. No means no one would miss you if you disappeared.
No hurts. A lot. Sometimes when we’re hurt, we cry. Sometimes when we cry, we hide. Sometimes when we hide, we hear no over and over.
I wish I could tell her it’s okay, but right now she can’t hear me. I wish I could tell her that she is good enough, that she isn’t wasting her time, that people do like her, that she will succeed one day, that she isn’t alone, that she’s not pathetic, that she’s not worthless and that lots of people would miss her if she disappeared. But all she hears is ‘no’.
I’ll come back later. She’ll come good. She’s been here before. Sometimes it’s over in a few minutes. I know, because sometimes she is me.