Abandoning yourself

My friend started reading my second last book and immediately accused me of being an antithesis of myself. They weren’t her words. Her words were “It sounds like everything you hate about books.”  In a chapter or two that was her summary. I replied that she was being judgemental – the exact thing I try to undo with my books. She had no idea what this book was about, and to accuse me of abandoning myself indicated she was either having a bad day or she didn’t know me like I thought she did. (Edit – I’m defensive of my books sometimes, and it turns out she was having a bad day. In hindsight, I could also see how the beginning of the book could have looked like something else, and why that was a good and bad thing).

I am not going to abandon myself. I’m not going to stop supporting my ideals or give up on myself. I’ve seen enough authors turn for the sake of popularity. One is enough. I know some authors want to “diversify” but I also know some are desperate to be popular. Almost everyone wants their 15 minutes. And why not? Only because if it involves abandoning yourself then I would say it isn’t worth it.

Do some people regret the porn they made when they were younger now that they want to be taken seriously? Yes.  Do some people regret not taking a chance on trying something new? Yes.  Do all books (and covers) of particular genres blur into one? Yes. Does fantasy sometimes ruin reality? Yes (and vice versa). Do you know what you want to be remembered for?

To quote myself – “Being yourself is the one thing you can always be the best at, because only you can do it.” You can be whoever you want to be. But I reckon if you’re going to abandon yourself and everything you hold dear just to make a few bucks, you’ll probably regret it.


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