What a b****! What, a b****?

If you’re offended by the b-word, turn away now.  There are other blogs posts here you can read. Just click on the purple picture and go back to the list. I’m going to talk about that label, and you know I don’t like labels, but I have to say that there are people who get labelled as a bitch because they fit the definition. Not the proper definition; not a female canine or otter. The informal definition of a woman who is unpleasant or spiteful or critical. There are people, male and female, who are just unpleasant, spiteful, critical people.  They’re people that you want to avoid because they’re always “bitching”; they’re running people down and criticising everything and always so negative.  Maybe that’s you. Maybe you’re someone who does that, and someone who other people have labelled as a bitch. We are who we are.

Sometimes people get labelled as a bitch because you just don’t like them, you don’t like what they said or you don’t like what they did or they’re just not someone that your personality gels with.You wouldn’t have to get very far into Ruthless Beings: ABC to label Beth as a bitch, and you will struggle to find anything to like about her. Some people are like that. But sometimes it’s you. Sometimes (and I do mean sometimes, because there are exceptions to every rule aren’t there?) sometimes you should be asking ‘what is it about what they just said or did that I didn’t like and why?’ Is it because you disagree? Is it because they made you feel stupid? Is it because the way they say certain words grates on your nerves?

The problem is that once you label someone as something it’s very hard to see past that and sometimes the label isn’t justified. Yes they said something ‘bitchy’ but can we identify the behaviour without actually labelling them as a bitch.  They did something stupid, but they aren’t stupid because they are capable of not doing stupid things.

Once you’ve labelled a person, you’re almost justifying your own reaction by saying ‘it’s because they’re a bitch, nothing to do with me.’ Own it. You don’t like what they did or said, or you just don’t like them. And you don’t have  to like them, and you don’t have to play squash with them, but if this is someone who is going to be part of your life and you don’t really get a choice (e.g. a colleague or a relative), then let every day be a new day and every conversation be a new conversation and maybe you’ll see that they don’t fit neatly under any one label.

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One thought on “What a b****! What, a b****?

  1. I agree, Ruth. Most non-fictional people are far more nuanced than a label, and labels fail to take into account all the complex behind-the-scenes events and emotions that make up someone’s moment by moment attitude and behavior. To me, labels say more about the “labeler” than the “labeled.” Labeling implies a sense of superiority – reducing another person to a single word. It also conveys an unwillingness to ask questions and consider the human condition behind the outer surface. Great post. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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